My apologies that I haven't been around over the last few days its been a little bit hectic. My great Nan died and I attended her funeral on Monday and then my daughter was ill, its just been one of those weeks.
I do have some news- I spoke to my therapist on wednesday. After some discussion with the trauma specialist people it has been decided he cannot offer me the therapy I need I have therefore got to be referred to the trauma specialist people and go onto their waiting list. JOY!! Just what I need right now- more waiting. After finally deciding I need to face my demons and deal with my past they put me back onto yet another waiting list. Now I know its not their fault and they are only trying to do whats best for me in the long run but it sucks. They have also mentioned some other types of therapy I have never heard of. Something to do with eye movement and another one called compassionate something or other- sorry my brain doesn't seem to want to remember the actual names! Anyway when I go for (yet another) assessment we will (apparently) decided together which type of therapy will be best- they will also offer CBT.
On one hand its great to know that I will finally be gettingt the correct help but on the other I'm quite upset about having to leave my therapist- I get on well with him- and having to go back onto a waiting list for who knows how long.
Other then that right now I feel fat and ugly and just damn right horrible, someone made a point of telling me today they hardly recognise me (physically) from what I looked like before I had children. Apparently it must be motherhood! So is that your way of telling me I've put on weight? Or that I look tired? And that my hair isn't always washed and I hardly ever wear make up? Or am I once again being overly negative and they could have indeed meant it in a nice way. Either way I just want to be able to look in the mirror and not want to burst into tears when I see whats looking back.
Anyway I better go and get on with dinner. I'll be back soon. Lots of love xxxxxx